Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I smell stomach acid.
and she was petting her beer can
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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