they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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