96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
