so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
