Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
