Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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