How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
