so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
