Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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