i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
