Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
