found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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