Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to make a zoo with you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
