I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
