Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
