Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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