umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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