You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
