the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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