Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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