Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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