So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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