Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
