The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
