I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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