Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
