You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize