Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
