I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
