we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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