I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize