Your face is a jimmy john
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
