O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
