I'm pants shitting drunk right now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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