did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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