Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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