ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm jealous of your bromance
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
