yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
