He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
