exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be naked everywhere
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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