God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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