next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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