I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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