there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
