at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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