Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
