a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
