Plan B is the new Plan A
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
