omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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