I need help removing her.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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