No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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