Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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