There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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