ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
