dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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