when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
