Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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