She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
