My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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