he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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