she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
