so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
