He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
